I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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