Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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