I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
