Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
