It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
