the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
