he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
