It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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