please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
