All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
