Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
