We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
