Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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