i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
