i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
