just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
