There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
