i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
