So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
