Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who died my cat blue again?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
