The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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