on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
