Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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