I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
