I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
