I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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