So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
