Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
