I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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