You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
