Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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