Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
