i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
