when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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