Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
