I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
