I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
