haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
