Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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