My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
