I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
