i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
