Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
