I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
