turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
