just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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