I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
