This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
