I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
