i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
