You can't motorboat a personality
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
